The gunshot, muffled, sounded more like a gasp.
No. That was Harold taking his last breath.
It’s the last thing I remember before the funeral. Lilies all over the coffin. Not because Harold gave a damn, but because Lilies are my favorite.
~~~
I don’t go out any more. Can’t.
No matter how much I love the city, I simply can’t. Not without Harold.
So, I tend the last of the lilies—of the month, that Harold bought me last Christmas, and think about muffling my own last breath.
Gasp.
Oh, what’s the use?
I know it’s a horrible thought!
This story is prompted by Friday Fictioneers and Rochelle Weisoff-fields WordPress Blog.
Writers Help 
March 13, 2013 at 2:42 pm |
Is that remorse I hear? Does she wish she had not rid herself oh him?
March 13, 2013 at 2:49 pm |
It makes you wonder. That’s good. Thanks for stopping by.
March 13, 2013 at 2:53 pm |
I read lonelyness, despite Harold was perhaps not so loved he’s still missed.
March 13, 2013 at 6:19 pm |
Jenn, I don’t know for sure what you had in mind when you wrote is lovely little vignette, but my take was that Harold died (shot) and she was thinking about taking her own life because she missed him so much but she can’t do it (which, if true, good for her!) I like how you used “gasp” to tie the two parts together.
Here, “because Lilies are my favorite”, lilies wouldn’t be capitalized, but that’s a minor detail. I’m a little confused as to what this means: “last of the lilies—of the month,”. I don’t understand the “of the month” part. Is it “lilies-of-the-month”, as in a monthly flower purchase/program or something I’m just missing?
janet
March 13, 2013 at 6:31 pm |
Yes, Janet, you are right on all counts. I knew I should put the dashes in the lilies-of-the-month, and that it shouldn’t be capitalized but I typed away anyway. Maybe I’ll get in there and edit it properly. There’s the problem with writing fast and not taking enough time between writing and posting! I’m glad you liked the gasp. I think that’s such a “sweet” part of writing something that comes around beginning-middle-end. Thanks for reading and posting.
March 13, 2013 at 9:43 pm |
Well-done. I especially liked the beginning movement from gunshot to “last gasp.” Depiction of this moment in 100 words is strongly capture.
March 13, 2013 at 9:43 pm |
Sorry to be so clumsy–I meant strongly captured.
March 14, 2013 at 8:34 am |
I liked the ambiguity of this. Well done.
March 14, 2013 at 9:41 am |
Dear Jennifer,
A lot of story packed into a tight space. Well done.
shalom
Rochelle
March 14, 2013 at 2:07 pm |
Nicely atmospheric.
Well done.
March 14, 2013 at 6:40 pm |
Great story.
March 15, 2013 at 11:14 am |
You put a lot into 100 words with this story! Well done!
March 15, 2013 at 11:31 am |
I like the fact that you leave enough ambiguity that he could have pulled the trigger or she could have
and the gasp makes a nice connection between the beginning and the end
March 15, 2013 at 1:02 pm |
Well glad she didn’t off herself. Now if she could just get out into to the big bright world.
Tom
March 15, 2013 at 4:52 pm |
I also wondered who shot Harold. I felt like I was behind a door listening to this unfold, but couldn’t quite tell what happened. Did she fire the gun intending to kill herself with the second ‘gasp’ but averted the shot at the last moment? I think she killed him. Who bothers to muffle a gunshot when they are killing themselves? Come on, put me out of my misery and spill the beans!
March 15, 2013 at 8:06 pm |
The idea of this story was to put the questions in, and let the reader come to their own conclusions. But truthfully, I was thinking Harold got mugged by a stranger and she was having trouble living with the event, as if she were there. But, I purposefully wrote it with the ambiguity so you could decide if she did kill him, and/or herself. Thanks for reading!
March 16, 2013 at 1:11 pm |
This is so sad. The older I get the more widows I know.